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Sunday, December 26, 2010

Well, it sure has been a while since I last posted, hasn't it. No surprise there. School is over, my finals were about a week and a half ago now. I now am looking at 4 more weeks of Winter Break. Which is actually kind of depressing. I love school, and I don't want to have to wait that long to start up again. Oh well. That's college.
Anyway, God has really been working on me this last month. He obviously has something He wants me to learn, because there is one thing in particular that He keeps throwing at me, making me have to confront it and figure out how I am going to handle it. And it's been interesting. Currently my way of handling it is to get really emotional and start crying. Which really bugs me, cause I hate crying. HATE it. Not other people crying per se, but me, myself. I hate how my face gets all red and puffy, and that I always have a headache when I'm done. But this issue that God keeps bringing up is an issue that hits me where it hurts. Hard. Even though I can't see all His reasons, I know that God is good, and He has allowed my eyes to be opened to one of His reasons for sure. In the last month, I really have had to come to terms with the fact that despite my completely convincing myself that I am totally healed from some very painful emotional wounds, I really am not. I've just been suppressing and burying my emotions, pretending that I am perfect and that nothing can hurt me. But God really wants to teach me just how imperfect I am. He has been teaching me how emotions are good things, even the painful ones. Especially the painful ones. It's when we are hurting that we cling to God the most, it is in our weaknesses that He shows us His strength. And I have had to learn that, because I am naturally a proud, strong person. But that is not who God wants me to be. There is nothing wrong with being strong, as long as our strength comes from the Lord. But if our strength comes from worldly things or attitudes, that is wrong. All that long bit to say, God has really begun to work in me and show me just how badly I have been deceiving myself for the past year. The fact that I start crying the moment this issue is so much a mentioned is proof of that. But God has been working in me and using some other circumstances and issues to continually bring this issue up and make me work through it. I am not healed yet, but God is healing me. I'm much further in my healing now than I was a month or two ago, and God is our great healer. He is my rock and my comfort, and I am just so thankful for and in awe of His amazing love.

God also decided to bring a new opportunity for growth this week, something that was completely unexpected and honestly, shocking. It was something that I really was not expecting at all, and it kinda rocked my boat. But it was good, God really used that to make me think, make me analyze and really formulate my convictions in a certain area of my life. It was something that I really haven't thought about in a long time, mostly because I am still healing from a painful experience. And because I hadn't thought about it, I wasn't expecting it, and I really didn't know how to handle it when it came up. But again, God is so good. I prayed for wisdom and direction and He gave it. Very clearly. And along with the wisdom and direction, He gave me a secure peace, knowing that I did the right thing.

Well, this was definitely different than my normal posts, but it's what's on my heart, and that's kind of the point of this blog. So, after all these ramblings,
Goodnight World.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Wow. I can't believe that it's been two months since I last even looked at this blog. Looking back, so much has happened, but as it's actually happening, it feels like nothing is changing. Life is funny like that. Time just flies, and before you know it, everything is different.
School is going well. P.E. classes are fun, Math is ok, and English is AWESOME! I'm getting straight A's in all my classes so far, hopefully I'll keep them up.

Whenever I sit down to write my blog, I think maybe this time I'll come up with something profound to say. So far I don't think I have, and I'm not very good and sharing what's on my mind. I read other people's blog and am so inspired. I wish that I could just sit down with my computer and some beautiful, profound thoughts about life would just flow out. But they don't. And I'm not doing that great of a job blogging at all, with the times between each post getting longer and longer.
My life, as it happens, doesn't feel very interesting. I get up in the morning and go to school. I come home and eat lunch, help around the house a bit, hang out, crochet and maybe watch some t.v. But as I look back over the last few months, I see how full my life really has been.

This last Tuesday, I was home alone and not feeling that great so I decided to watch some t.v. We get a couple of the movie channels, and one of them was playing "Romeo+Juliet". The one with Leonardo DiCaprio and Claire Danes. I love that story, so I turned it on. As I was watching, I couldn't help but tear it apart. There is soooo much wrong with it! Don't get me wrong, I love Romeo and Juliet as much as any other hopeless romantic, but seriously, who would want to be either of them? Or marry either one of them either!
Starting off the story, we have Romeo, pining away for some girl named Rosaline, going to the Capulet's dinner party and the second he sees Juliet, he"falls in love" with her. Firstly, there is no such thing as love at first sight. There is lust and attraction, but you cannot truly fall in love with someone just by looking at them. True lasting love comes with knowing a person, being intimately acquainted with all their strengths and flaws and choosing to love them in spite of their imperfections. Secondly, doesn't Romeo seem just a little fickle to you? I mean seriously people, he's pining away, spending his days sulking and moping about because this girl Rosaline wouldn't or couldn't have him (if memory serves, I think she chose to become a nun) and then with one glance at Juliet, he forgets all about his first love. Am I the only one who would have an issue with that in real life? I wouldn't want to be Rosaline, the girl easily forgotten, or Juliet, the girl he suddenly switches to. I would have a hard time trusting that he wouldn't forget me as easily the next time he saw another pretty girl. Just sayin'.
And then we have Juliet. The beautiful girl who also "falls in love" at first sight. I think her problem is mostly just being naive and overly sheltered. But to meet someone, "fall in love" and agree to get married the next day also displays a lack of maturity and discernment. Again, I'm just saying.
And then then end of the story. Juliet is married, her parents don't know, so they are forcing her to marry another man. She refuses, they don't listen. So she goes to the Priest and they make a plan for  her to get out of it. That's all well and good. She is being faithful to her husband, regardless of the fact that she barely even knows him. She takes the draught that makes her look dead. Great. That will make it easier to run away and join Romeo in Manchura without being chased.
But then Romeo. Honestly, I just think that he isn't that bright. I mean come on, his friend tells him that Juliet is dead, and instead of going to the Priest to find out what happens, he goes and buys poison, breaks into Juliet's tomb and kills himself. Really? Doesn't he think that maybe the Priest would at least tell him what happened? Or does he even think at all? I submit that he probably didn't. Not to mention, he only knew the girl for a few DAYS!!! Seriously, I have a hard time believing that someone could be that in love with another person after a few days. And then Juliet wakes up, sees Romeo dead and kills herself. Really? Again, they only knew each other for a few days!!! I just have a hard time seeing any of this happening in real life.
Now, all that being said, I really do love the story of Romeo and Juliet. I am a hopeless romantic. Any sappy, sad, sweet chick flick that is relatively clean will have me glued to the television set. Romeo and Juliet is no exception. One cannot  help but get caught up in the waves of emotion and conflict running through the story. Who doesn't want it to end well? We all want them to be together and live. And who doesn't cry at the end when they don't? Romeo and Juliet is a classic. One of the rare classics that no one would ever want to live through, but a classic nonetheless.
Gosh, now I want to go curl up with a blanket, cocoa and popcorn and watch it again. I think I might.
Later, World.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Well, it's been how long now? Almost three weeks since I so much as touched this blog. Wow. So much can happen in so short a time. I do have good excuse for neglecting my blog though. I started school on August 26, so I haven't had time to update my Facebook status, much less try to blog! I am getting up at 7 am every morning Monday through Thursday and driving over to the college where I stay till my classes are over at about 12:30. And then I come home and do homework! Yeah. Lots o' fun there. :-P
But, seriously, I am loving school. I ended taking Yoga and Step Aerobics for PE, both of which I am loving. I have never been that athletic or active, I prefer to curl up with coffee and a good book, but there is a sort of energy and focus that comes from exercising every morning that I have never experienced and that I love having. I also am taking Math and Freshman Comp. Math is Math. There is not much more to say on that point. English is going well I think. I love writing to begin with, so taking a writing class hardly feels like school work. It feels more like.... getting to focus almost all of my attention on my hobby.
You know, I have noticed something. I have had several people who, when they heard that I was going to college, said that they were sorry for me and that school sucks. I never understand people like that. I mean, yeah, school is hard, but it is only unpleasant if you chose to let it be. I would say that 90% of all enjoyment (or non-enjoyment) of things is a matter of your attitude. If you decide that you are going to have fun and enjoy what you are doing, you will. I don't care what you are doing, you could be scrubbing a public restroom, but if you decide to have a good attitude about it, you'll enjoy it. That is a fact of life that sadly, many people do not know, or chose not to accept. So, when people tell me that they are sorry for me, I usually smile and say don't be. I love it. School is fun. And here's the other thing. You NEVER stop learning. The world is a school, you could be 9 or 99, there is still going to be something you do not know, something that you need to learn.
Anyway, blah blah blah. I go on a lot of rabbit trails.
So, this last weekend was fun. Labor day weekend. I had a four day weekend and enjoyed it greatly. Although I spent the majority of my time working on an essay for English, I did manage to a have a little bit of fun. I kicked off the weekend by having a couple of friends spend the night and watching the premiere on "Camp Rock 2" on the Disney channel. Yes, I know. I am 17 years old and I watch the Disney channel. So sue me. The acting wasn't that great, the plot was rather predictable and not very original, unlike the first one. BUT the music and choreography were both waaaaaaay better than the first one. And since that is why I watched in the first place, I was happy.
Saturday I went down to Santa Barbara for the day and hung out. Sunday I went to church, then we came home and cleaned and then some of our family came over and we had a birthday party for my sister who is turning 7 tomorrow. Sunday night I bought a couple CDs. Ok, fine. Three. "Who I Am" by Nick Jonas and the Administration, The Camp Rock 2 Soundtrack and "Born Again" by newsboys. Monday I finished my essay and some friends came up for dinner. Yes, it was a lovely weekend.
And today was a lovely day. My family had to go to SB today, but I couldn't go cause I had school. So, I got to take my dad's car. I went to school, then I stopped by the store to get some food for lunch. It was weird to get home and have no one be there. But.... kind of nice at the same time. When I got home, I ate. Then I made cinnamon rolls and while they were rising I crocheted and watched tv till my family got home. And now, we are all going to watch a movie with my sister. So, adios world!

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Well, all of my "I'm going to be a good blogger and blog at least once a week" intentions seem to have gone to pot. My life is so crazy right now, I keep putting things like this off till tomorrow. But guess what! Tomorrow never comes, so I never update my blog! Ah, well, no one is perfect. And my life really has been crazy. I ended up have to change what classes I am taking this semester because the college changed the time on one of them, creating a schedule conflict. It was totally God though, because I was really starting to want to take an English course this semester, but I didn't know how I was going to fit it in. But now, instead of taking 3 PE and 1 Math class, I am taking Yoga and Step Aerobics (2 PE), Pre-Algebra and Freshman Comp. God worked it our for me! School starts on Monday. I am very excited about all of my classes and learning new and exciting things.
I bought my textbooks last week, and wow, is God amazing! I was able to buy all four of the textbooks I needed on Amazon marketplace for a grand total of $60, including S&H!!! I looked them up other places, and they would have cost over $300 normally!! Granted, I got used books, but who needs a brand new textbook for college? You're just going to re-sell or throw it away at the end of the semester anyway.
I finished reading "Sense and Sensibility" on Sunday night. I have to say that it is one of my favorite books. It is so well written, so emotional and enthralling. I identify with both Elinor and Marianne, but more so with Marianne. I like to think that I have a similar level of passion and vivacity, and I too have had a Willoughby in my life. But like Elinor, I tend to be more reserved in expressing my deepest feelings. The book itself is just beautiful. Jane Austen had a gift for shaping words into the most engrossing stories. Her characters are so real, so easy to empathize with. Now that I am done with "Sense and Sensibility", I am on to "Pride and Prejudice".  I have read that one a few times before, but its been a couple years, and every new reading brings the fresh perspective of more experience in the world and familiarity with the story.
This weekend we are having an huge yard sale, and this past week has been spent organizing things, and the rest of the week is going to be spent in the same way. And, looking forward to that, I think that I shall sign off and head to bed. Goodnight world!

Monday, August 9, 2010

Wow, has this week flown by! My aunt and uncle had a baby a couple weeks ago, so on Tuesday I drove down to their house to help out for the week. I had a blast helping keep track of their three oldest kids and holding the baby. I stayed down there with them until Friday, when I drove home. Saturday I went to a birthday party for a friend who moved the next day. And then on Sunday after church we got to go hang out with some friends who we haven't seen in forever. It was awesome. Today I stayed home and cleaned while the rest of the family went down to Santa Barbara.
I watched a couple of good movies this last week, and bought a few books that I am looking forward to reading. I bought all 7 of Jane Austen's novels bound into one book, and am working my way through those. I am currently on Sense and Sensibility.
On Tuesday night I watched "Signs". You know, that creepy alien movie that has Mel Gibson in it. It was interesting. I had never seen it before. I loved the ending, but man was the whole thing creepy. Ugh, yeah, I'm not a big fan. I am a fan of "The Four Feathers". The one with Heath Ledger in it. THAT movie was AMAZING! I absolutely loved it.
Wednesday is my freshman orientation for college. I am really looking forward to school starting up in two weeks. Woohoo! Exciting times!

Monday, August 2, 2010

A New School Year

So, today was the first day of school for my family. It was kind of weird for me. It was weird to wake up (at 9ish) and pad out to the great room in my pajamas (just like I've been doing all summer) and see all my siblings all dressed and ready for the day, sitting at the table or in the living room waiting for my mom to start teaching. I think that that's when it really, REALLY sunk in that I'm in a new phase of life. It's not like I'm done with school, I'm taking classes at our local city college, but I don't start for another couple weeks and it's weird to watch my siblings doing everything I've been doing for the past 12 years of my life and know that I'm not going to be doing those things as a student ever again. Weird. Kinda Scary. But mostly Exciting.
I went out to the college today to take my placement test. You know, the one where they evaluate how good you are at English and Math and tell which classes you can take. So, I know I'm pretty good at English, I mean, I got straight A's my whole life, but Math, well, let's just say I barely passed. Thus, I was expecting to get into the highest English classes (which I did) and the lowest math. Great was my surprise when I got the results and I tested into College-level Algebra! Whoot!
I am very excited for this fall. I am taking 4 classes at our local college, (1 math and 3 exercise) and am compiling a list of classical literature that I need to read. I shall be posting my thoughts on the books I read as I read them. Well, that's it for tonight. Catch ya'll later.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Well, today has been interesting. After our daily family Bible time, my parents took off to Disneyland for the weekend in celebration of their 20th wedding anniversary. (Woohoo! Go Mom and Dad!) Those of us left at home filled our day with cleaning, cooking, and hanging out. I've been gone for a week, living up at the camp where I am working for the summer, so my siblings and I had a lot of catching up to do. This weekend is shaping up to be great. I have a lot of fun things planned for us to do. It's nice being home with the family again. And it's also nice to be back in Lompoc, where there is always a breeze and it's rarely hotter than 60 degrees.
The kids are all in bed now, and I'm sitting quietly in a rather cluttered livingroom with my laptop. It's amazing how quiet it can be when everyone is asleep. The only sound to be heard is the click of my typing.
I am looking forward to tomorrow. More cleaning, pizza movie night, and hanging out. Speaking of pizza, one of my favorite pizza places closed down while I was gone! Papa Murphy's has been my favorite place to buy pizza ever since I moved here, and I came home last night to the news that it was gone. With absolutely no warning. I am very sad. Now I'm going to have to settle for Little Ceasar's tomorrow night. :-(
Saturday's plans are still a bit up in the air, but I have a few pretty nice ideas. Picnic anyone?

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

First post

Well. After several months of debate and thought, I decided to start a blog. Not exactly an earth-shattering decision, but it's a new experience. And as such, I'm not quite sure what exactly to write about. But don't worry, I'm sure I'll figure it out.