Letter From Heaven

So, digging all the way back to my senior year of high school, I found this poem and thought I'd share it.

Letter From Heaven

Live in the moment,

Laugh through the pain.

Life is to short to cry because of rain.

When you are hurting and

Old Life

Do you ever look through old journals, emails, letters or other personal things that you had written two, four, five or even ten years ago?  I do.  Not often, but every once in a while I'll come across an old diary or notebook and flip through it.  It's interesting to do that.  To read something that I wrote years ago; to get a glimpse of who I was then - a glimpse that is more and more enlightening as I grow older and have the perspective that age and time brings.  As each year passes and I grow closer to the Lord and He opens my eyes more to the sinful nature of my own heart, it becomes more and more humbling to read personal things that I wrote in high school.

I recently

Valentine's Day and Contentment

This last week was Valentine's Day.  Or, as many of my Facebook friends like to call it, Single's Awareness Day.  Honestly, hearing people call it that has always kind of cracked me up.  Every time I hear someone call it that my first response is: wow, bitter much?  Seriously.  What is so wrong with being single?  Don't get me wrong, I want a relationship just as bad as the next girl, but when that relationship comes, I know I am going to have to give up some of the freedoms that I enjoy now if I want it to work.  And that's the way it is supposed to be.  In order to say "yes" to one thing, you have to say "no" to another.  And people, do you honestly think that once you are in a relationship all your problems will go away?  If you do, you might want to re-assess what you expect because I can guarantee you that they won't.  

I am only 20, and I don't pretend to know a whole lot or have a bunch of wisdom or experience to offer the world.  However, the longer I live and the more people I meet the more convinced I become that one of the keys to living a happy and fulfilled life is contentment.  Choosing to be content wherever it is God has placed you will give you far more peace and happiness than wishing for your life to be different.  One of the biggest lies we tell ourselves is the "if only" lie.  As singles we tell ourselves "if only I could find the right person, then I would be happy and content".  Then we find that person and get married and then we want kids.  Then we want the kids to grow up.  Then we want grandkids.  It never ends.  There is always going to be a season of life that looks more appealing than the one we are in right now.  If we are constantly looking ahead to that time, we will lose the joy that is offered in our lives right now.  That is why contentment is so important.  

I am not saying that it is wrong to want and even look forward to a time when you have that special person in your life.  If I said that, I would be a hypocrite, for if I were to be completely honest, I would have to confess that I desperately want to get married and raise a family.  If that is all I ended up doing with my life, I would be thrilled.  The fact of the matter is however, that this is not going to happen for quite some time as I am quite single.  What I, and everyone else who is in this season of life, need to remember is, this season is not going to last forever and it offers us the opportunity to do things that we won't be able to do when we am no longer single.  

Singleness offers the freedom of only having to balance the schedule of one person - me - which allows me to be flexible and available to serve in my church, in my school and in my workplace.  Once I have a significant other, I am not going to be as flexible because he will need to take a place of priority in my schedule. 

As I walk through the seasons of life that God leads me in, I want to be flexible and open so that He can use me.  If I spend my time wishing that my life were different, daydreaming my time away, He can't use me, for I have made myself unavailable to Him.  It makes me sad to see so many people who are discontent with where God has them, for they are robbing themselves of the joy that could be theirs if they only chose to satisfy themselves in Him and what He has given them.  I pray that He will keep  me convicted and content so that He can use me, and I hope that is the prayer of my friends as well.  

Thankfulness and Stress

I've been really convicted lately about thankfulness.
 I think it started when I heard this quote: "What if you woke up today with only the things you thanked God for yesterday?"

 It is so easy to go just through life, go through the motions every day things, so stuck in the routine that if someone asked you why you were doing something the only answer you would be able to give is "cause that's just what I do."  That happens to me sometimes.  Particularly when I have a lot on my plate.  I do the opposite of what I should do.  What I should do, on those days when I have so many things on my mind that I cannot possibly function, is

New Eyes. . .

Over the last couple of weeks God has opened my eyes  and broken my heart for people who don't know Him in a new way.  He showed me His heart by bringing to my attention several people who I know or have known closely who do not love Him or accept Him as their savior.  It just breaks my heart to see these friends, some of whom are like family to me, who grew up in Christian homes and went (or still go) to church and youth functions faithfully now rejecting the faith that they were raised in.  I was having a conversation with one of these friends a few days ago and it was just so heartbreaking.  They have the truth right in front of them and yet they can't or won't receive it.  The saddest part is the effect this rejection has upon a person's life.

Without God, life has no true meaning or purpose - something that I have seen evidenced in some of these friends as they have turned their backs on Him.  Their lives are hollow and they are searching for anything that is not God or religion that will fill the hole in their soul.  But they search in vain, because even if something seems to be working, eventually the emptiness with return.  Their lives are characterized by

The Legacy of Literature

Today I am going to move from things I wrote in high school to something I wrote my freshman year of college.  This essay was written for my freshman comp class during my first semester at junior college.  We were told to find an aphorism (which, according to the dictionary is a pithy observation that contains a general truth) and write an essay about why we thought the aphorism we chose was true using personal examples.  Enjoy.

                                                                            The Legacy of Literature

                                              “A room without books is like a body without a soul”

                                                                                        - Cicero

Just as the soul of a human being brings life and animation to the body, so do books bring those same qualities to a room. When the soul departs, the body is left a lifeless shell - a shadow of what was. Likewise, a room without books is dull, lifeless and dead. A person’s soul is immortal, living on after the body is dead; so to, are books. Long after an author has died, the books written by them have the potential to live on to inspire and teach those who come after. 

I have experienced such teaching and inspiration in my own life. Many of my favorite books, the ones that impacted me the most, were written by people who died many years before I was born. A perfect example

Three Years

Three years.
Three years is a long time, and three years is a short time.  So many, many things can change in the span of three years.
Hopes.  
Dreams.  
Fears.  
The very essence of who a person is.  
And yet at the same time, you blink and three years have past like blur.  Life is funny like that.

This particular time of the year means a lot to me, on many different levels.
It's November.
The beginning of my favorite of the Southern California seasons - cool and (if we're lucky) wet.  
The month of Thanksgiving.  
The month in which, three years ago, events occurred that changed my life.  
It's funny how day to day, you generally don't feel like you are changing, but when you look back over your life, you realize that who you were one. . . two. . . five. . . ten years ago would barely recognize the person you are today and you wonder how that happened.

The past week I have been doing a lot of reflecting, thinking and reminiscing.  This last week marks my third year following the Lord.  Three years ago, I was a different person with different plans, goals and dreams.  I was walking

Reflections. . .

Life is full of seasons and changes.  Nothing stays the same.  People come and go from your life; they grow up and move on.  Physical, material things rot and fade away.  Everything in life will eventually be touched by the fingers of change; nothing and no one can escape.

The last few months have been a painful, scary and yet exciting time.  I've experienced so many changes and been thrown so many curveballs recently that at times I feel that if life doesn't slow down, I might suffocate.  In one day, my circumstances can change one, two or even three times.  But I guess that's what happens when you grow up.  You get to see and experience everything from the front lines, because mom and dad are no longer standing as a barrier between you and the "real world".

Here I am, sitting in my dorm room.  All grown up and on my own at a college a little less than three hours away from my hometown.  I've been here since August and now, for the first time in two months, I finally feel like I have a moment to breathe and just be.  As I sit and allow myself to simply exist, I am hit by the weight of all that has happened in the last few months.

I'm at college.  I don't think the reality of this fact has really hit me yet.  For as long as I can remember, college has been the distant dream.  Something I wanted, but doubted would happen.  I figured that by the time I had been out of high school for two years,

Update on my life.

Since my last few posts have been pretty heavy philosophical ones, I thought today I would just post a quick blurb with an update on my life.
For all of you who have been praying I have a huge praise report for you, because right in time, God miraculously provided the money we needed in order not to lose our house this month.  Praise the Lord!  So now my dad is still looking for work and the rest of the family is pushing along with school and keeping up the house.  As for me, I'm still keeping incredibly busy with school and work.  I've gone from 2 cleaning jobs a week to 3 or 4 depending on the week, plus my weekend job at Penelope's, our local authentic tea parlor.
 On top of all that, I started a home based business back in January to help pay for college.  I am an independent distributer for a 50 year old health and nutrition company called Shaklee.  Shaklee is an amazing company, and they offer a variety of products including health supplements, weight management, skin care and cleaning products.  The best part is every single thing that we offer is natural, non-toxic and chemical free.  With Earth Day this month, now is a great time to start making choices that are healthier for both you and the planet, and with Shaklee, you can rest assured that you will be getting quality products that work well.
April is also a big month for me as I am trying to reach my first goal: to rank up within my first three months in order to make an extra bonus and increase my monthly commission by a significant amount.  If any of you are interested in learning more about my business or just purchasing something,  please feel free to contact me via my website or email.

The Hunger Games - Book

So, back in '10 I saw The Hunger Games at the library and put it on my list of books to read.  But I had about 20 other books on the list, so it was pretty far down on the bottom.  Then more and more people I know started reading it, and then I found out it was being made into a movie, so I figured I should probably bump it up a couple notches on the list so I would know what all these people are talking about. So I went and checked it out of the library, and spent all day one Wednesday reading it.  I couldn't put it down.

***SPOILER ALERT*** I will be discussing things that happen in the book that may give away certain plot points, so if you don't want to know, stop now.

The Hunger Games is a well written book and to be completely honest I enjoyed it very much, but it was also rather disturbing.  The government takes
a bunch of kids, throws them into an arena and has them fight to the death on television and the whole country is forced to watch.  If you've read the books or watched the movie, detach yourself from the fact that the books are very well written and interesting and that the movie was pretty faithful and well made and think about that premise for a minute.  A group of

On a Personal Note....

I've sat down to my computer so many times in the last week to write, but every time I end up stopping, deleting whatever sentences I have come up with and going back to stalk my friends on facebook. Why? Well, quite simply because all I can think about right now is my family's crazy situation and what I can do to help, and that's kind of personal. And believe it or not, I'm kind of a private person. I have a hard time sharing my thoughts and feelings with my family, let alone write about them on a blog. Which is interesting, because I'm a writer. I don't think that I'm that good at talking (although others tell me I'm very articulate and communicate very clearly), but give me a piece of paper and a pencil and out flows everything I am thinking. Sometimes it takes the shape of a poem or a story, a form that someone could read and not realize that what I wrote is actually my heart. They would just think that it was a good story or emotional poem. I like that. It makes me feel safe.
I think that's what it boils down to for me. Feeling safe. For some reason I have it in my head that showing emotion is weakness. That admitting your need for help is weakness. And I am a strong person. I am not weak. But I've had to learn over the last two years that letting go and admitting my insufficiency is strength. For I am made perfect in weakness, and when I let go and let God take over, He fills me with His strength.
I constantly need to be reminded of this. I'm the oldest of ten children; I still live at home; my dad has been unemployed for eight months and we are very close to losing our home. And there is nothing that any of us can do. My dad is pounding the pavement every day searching for a job. Any job. My mom takes care of the house and the rest of the kids and I am a full time student who has to study, but also takes advantage of every opportunity to make some money by house cleaning, babysitting, house sitting, cat sitting, or working my home based business.
What is there left to say or do? Nothing. All we can do is wait and pray. I know God has a plan. I know He is leading us down a road and that He knows where it leads. But it feels like He has led us into a tunnel that is a thousand miles long with no lights. And as of yet, I cannot see the light at the end that means we are almost out of the tunnel. I feel like we are still in the middle and the train has broken down.
I know that this tunnel will end. We are going through a hard time right now, but I also know things could be much worse. We aren't kicked out onto the street yet; we have more than enough food; we have clothes, clean water and electricity.
So now that you know what I'm going through, you'll probably want to be kept up to date on how things go, so stick around and I'll keep you along as we go on this crazy ride into the unknown.

St. Patrick's Day

Today is St. Patrick's day.  The day when the Irish gather together and celebrate their heritage and a day that those who are not Irish use as a socially acceptable day to party it up with lots of dancing and beer.  Well, I supposed the Irish do that too, but at least we are kind of known for our beer.  Anyway, St. Patrick's day is a day when everyone, regardless of their background wears a little bit o' green and takes a moment to give a nod to the wee folk of Irish legend.  But do most people even know who St. Patrick was, or why we celebrate him?
I didn't think so.
St. Patrick was the first Christian missionary to Ireland.  He was first brought to Ireland from England as a slave by pirates.  He spent several years as a slave, during which time he learned the language and customs of Ireland.  After a time he escaped back to England where he studied and became a priest.  One would think that after being forced to spend so many years as a slave in a foreign country, one would never want to go back.  But that was no the case with Patrick.  He felt God tugging on his heart, calling him back to Ireland.  Back then, Ireland was a very dark place.  They had never heard of God, Jesus or His word.  The Druids and their cultish magic ruled the land, and they did not take kindly to people who questioned them.  Patrick felt called to go back, regardless of the dangers.  So he did and to this day, a very large percentage of the Irish population subscribe to either Catholicism or Christianity.
After Patrick's death, the Catholic church declared him a saint and the Irish people dedicated the day of his death as a day they would take time to remember and be thankful for the man that brought them God's message of hope and forgiveness.  Over the years, like so many of the Christian holidays and festivals, St. Patrick's day turned into little more than an excuse to gather together, eat, drink and make merry.  But this year, why don't we take a moment, before we dive into our corned beef and cabbage meal to stop and thank the Lord for brave men and women, like St. Patrick, who were and are willing to give up the comforts of a "normal" life, to give everything they have with reckless abandon to the Lord for the sake of bringing Him glory and furthering His kingdom.
St. Patrick's day is big deal in my family for two reasons.  We are Irish.  If you know anything about the characteristics if the Irish, you could tell just by looking at my family.  We are all very interested in each others lives, you might call it nosy.  Most of us (myself included) can have quite the firecracker temper.  We are also Christians and we use this day also to talk about missionaries and thank God for them.  But see, missionaries aren't the only people who are called to live a life of reckless abandon.  God calls ALL Christians to live that way.  And, sometimes we need to be reminded of that.  All to often we get bogged down by worldly cares and forget that God calls us to cast all of that on Him.  I know I do.  So today, let's take a moment to thank the Lord for His care and rededicate our hearts and minds, giving everything to Him with reckless abandon.  Cause I don't know about you, but I want to be known as someone who was willing to give it all, one who followed no matter the cost.